I guess Adam really did assualt this woman. He also admitted to me that he's done it two other times. I guess 'assualt' is a strong word, he slapped three girls' asses.

Yesterday I came back home to the appartment after leaving his mom's house. His mom scares the shit out of me. I think I might even use the word 'hate'. However, she pays for everything I guess (its hard to say, she's an incredible manipulative liar) so I just can't even argue with her (even though we did, I had to end up calling the cops on her, she's that mother-fucking crazy).

I'm so god-damn scared and frustrated at the helplessness I feel, sometimes I really think about just walking into traffic. My sister has been a huge help. We really didn't talk much before I told her what happened. She's been really supportive, even more than my mom. Dad's out of the equation.

I was in a bad place mentally, and relapsed. I drank about a box and a quarter of wine (I'm poor) at his mom's house. When I got home I went and bought a large bottle of whisky and there's only about a fifth of it left.

I'm so mad at Adam, but if I lost him I think it'd be the death of me. Not only because I have nowhere else to go, but because I really do like him, despite all the lying to me. WHAT AM I DOING. I'M SO SCARED. I'm totally fucking helpless, too. Nobody's telling me anything, besides the scraps of information Adam throws at me once and a while. Today he got out of the hospital (after attempting suacide) around 14:30, said he'd be home in about an hour. He called right before 17, after I called his mom's number and no one answered. (Because fuck Veronica, right?) I guess he's not going to be here until around 18:30.

I guess this is all karma coming back to me for cheating on David. But cheating on David in a drunken stooper fucking hurt me, too. I guess I've got a hell of a lot coming back to me. Buddhists say 'life is suffering'.

I don't want to reverse the Women's Movement, but I want to cuddle up with him and have him tell me everything is going to be ok. And mean it. But right now, I don't know if it is.

I HATE HIS MOM SO MUCH. She's like "We need to be strong for Adam, DON'T let him see you sad." Thing is though, Adam has a home no matter what. I don't. I'm one false move away from being out on the streets. Or I might not even be one step away. His mom at a whim could have me homeless. JESUS CHRIST I HATE HER.